


Long Gone, Most Beloved

by BoPeepWithNoSheep



Series: Magnulia Fics [6]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Balance (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Barry has Opinions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Magnus Disagrees Strongly, Memory Alteration, Minor Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Relationship Discussions, Widowed, because you cant really discuss relationships and barry and not mention lup, discussion of memory alteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 04:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17995166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoPeepWithNoSheep/pseuds/BoPeepWithNoSheep
Summary: Barry and Magnus talk about Julia and have two very different conversations with each other.





	Long Gone, Most Beloved

“Do you ever think about getting remarried.”

Magnus jolts from his carving just long enough to look up at Barry, who is currently sitting at his kitchen table leaning backward so very precariously that Magnus is mostly just waiting for the inevitable crash. Still, it’s a hell of a loaded question and it catches him off guard enough that he knicks his finger with his whittling knife--And this one actually smarts since he’s gotten a new one since giving Angus his grandpa’s old knife.

After a soft curse and a moment of sucking the blood off his thumb while rather frantically trying to prevent any of it from staining his woodblock he levels Barry with a solid stare, “Did _you_?”

It flusters Barry enough, the sheer intensity of Magnus’ answer and maybe it’s a little unfair to be so gruff with him but--Fuck, that was an unfair question all things considered. It’s only because it’s coming from Barry, the man who _gets it_ the most out of their whole family that Magnus even deigns to answer him at all.

Barry fumbles a bit, and Magnus almost expects this to be the moment Barry loses his footing but instead his chair clacks forward instead of back. Barry leans over, elbows resting on his knees and grimaces, “No--No, that’s fair. Not that I could have, ya know with everything but no.”

And Magnus nods because Barry had a rough go at things, never given a chance to settle down when he forgot and when he remembered working towards getting the rest of them up to speed. Magnus knows his feelings on the decade are different from his family, he doesn’t regret it and he wouldn’t do anything to change it for the world.

He knows the rest of his family aren’t quite as accepting of their stolen time but Magnus honestly considers most of it a gift, maybe not the one that Lucretia had intended but he’s happy enough with the results that he just can’t find it in himself to be angry with Lucretia for that. He can be angry about other things, and sometimes he is, but not for what she gave him.

“You never thought about it even when you forgot?”

There’s a definite wince from Barry and maybe Magnus feels a hair bad about that but not really, not when he feels like he needs to have this conversation. They’d done this over the century sometimes, usually with Lucretia to just the Hard Talks with Human Squad where they had to confront things that their crewmates didn’t really get. Most of the time it was the fading memories of their homeworld, sometimes it was frustration about their stagnant ages, and sometimes it was about things that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things but it was just nice to vent.

He feels a pang of sorrow for the loss of Lucretia in these talks but he still has hopes that she can join them again whenever Barry’s ready.

While Magnus contemplates, Barry fiddles with the sleeves of his button up, rolling them for something to do in a way that the fighter’s watched hundreds of times. Magnus waits for the next step and almost clucks his tongue in triumph as Barry does indeed proceed to fiddle with his topmost button once he’s finished with his sleeves. It’s good to know he can still predict his friend’s nervous habits.

It takes Barry some time to speak but Magnus gives it to him, they don’t have all the time in the world anymore but he’s always got time for his family, “I mean, I forgot the details but my heart didn’t really forget, ya know?”

Magnus nods, settling back into his own chair now with a sigh, “I think, a little bit. There was still always some of that century in all of us--Except maybe Cap’n’port.”

Barry is silent for nearly a minute before he gestures vaguely towards Magnus, there’s a pained look on his face like he knows the question he’s about to ask could blow up on him. Magnus can’t help but tense slightly, trying to mentally prepare himself.

“You found her when you were-- _you know_?”

He can’t help the way he blinks owlishly, was _that_ Barry’s problem with everything? That he thinks Magnus’ feelings had been compromised somehow--That he hadn’t loved Julia because he hadn’t been the exact Magnus that Barry knew? There’s a white-hot stripe of rage, for just a moment before he wrangles it into something more controllable. Annoyance is part of it but honestly, he’s just plain _hurt._

Julia had loved him when he hadn’t been whole, had seen a broken man with a shoddy memory and loved him to bits anyway. Magnus had been a broken man and every single one of the little stained glass mosaic pieces of his soul had molded themselves back together to spell out his love. It was a short love, it was nothing like Barry and Lup’s century-long whirlwind but that didn’t mean it wasn’t _real_.

“ _Yeah_ , I fell in love when I was voidfished,” He doesn’t mean for the aggressive tilt his voice takes but goddamnit he doesn’t regret it either, “Even if I _wasn’t_ I still would have fallen for her. Barry, I _love_ her--You’ve _gotta_ get that, right? You know what it’s like, she was just--”

With every frenzied word, Barry deflates a little and when Magnus’ breath hitches--when his shoulders shake something on the man’s face shifts. Concern flashes in his eyes and he’s on his feet in seconds, he’s crowding Magnus because some of them hate to be touched when they’re upset, like Taako and Lucretia, but Magnus and Lup are so much more tactile. They’ve always needed shoulders to cry on and during that century about eight out of ten times, it was always Barry’s.

His hands rest on Magnus’s arms, rubbing up and down and reminding him that he’s not alone. Barry’s voice is so soft and it makes Magnus hiccup back a sob, “She was your everything?”

Magnus sniffs, trying desperately to quiet the whirring buzz of panic and grief in the back of his mind, “Yeah. Yeah, that was it.”

Barry’s silent again, waiting for Magnus’ breathing to calm back down. He’s there, a warm and solid presence something alive and real. Even if Barry’s the one who’s unintentionally sent him into this spiral it’s better that he’s not alone. “You know, whatever you choose I’m sure she’d just want you to be happy?”

Magnus nearly chokes on a noise between a scoff and another sob because really-- _That’s_ where they’re going with this now? Magnus just--He doesn’t know if this one-eighty is genuine or in response to his distress and jesus fantasy christ if Barold Fucking Bluejeans would quit it, then Magnus Fucking Burnsides would be happier _right now_.

“Yeah, of course, I do. And I _am_ happy, I have you all back, I have my dogs, and one day I’ll have her back too. Not too soon, but one day.”

Maybe it’s not the right thing to say, or rather maybe it’s not what Barry wants to hear but it’s the truth. Sure, he remembers once exposing the virtues to former fellow bachelors Taako and Barry in their early days about his dream to find a nice spouse, settle down, adopt like seven dogs and maybe a kid. It was a good dream, and it got him through a lot but it’s his right to decide what the parameters of that dream are and adjust them as he sees fit. He doesn’t need anyone trying to shove him into a dream that he’s outgrown and wouldn’t even be happy in.

But Barold Fucking Bluejeans has the audacity to say, “I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you moved on.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to be silent as Barry gives his arm one last squeeze before moving back to the table. There’s something to that, sure, he thinks he’ll probably have to have this conversation at least once more which is--well, that makes him feel a lot of different things but he’ll deal with them as they come.

“I know that, but in my heart? She’s enough,” It’s sort of a _rich_ sentiment, coming from Barry who’d been so incapable of moving on even when Lucretia had magically scrubbed all the knowledge of his wife from his brain--but he lets Barry have that. It’s a leftover and unneeded concern but it’s still just a show of his love. That doesn’t mean he’s not gonna give Barry some razzing for springing this bullshit on him, “Besides, I don’t think I could make another gazebo that nice.”

Barry blinks once. Twice before the inevitable, “Wait--What?”

“You know,” Magnus starts speaking like the time they’d all figured out Barry didn’t know that lmao was an acronym, “A wedding gazebo. I know you guys went all necromancer on your vows and stuff but every wedding needs a gazebo. It’s like, illegal not to have one.”

Magnus enjoys the way Barry’s eyebrows seem to jump through several emotions. Confusion, annoyance, resignation--like a little microcosm of what Magnus has been dealing with for the last thirty minutes.

“Magnus. I am _absolutely_ certain that’s not a law.”

“It was in Raven’s Roost.”

“You’re bullshitting me.”

“...Am I?” Magnus replies with a shrug of his shoulders as he reaches over to collect his supplies and begins carving again.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from the song Long Gone by Mary Epworth which is a Big Mood Magnulia song


End file.
